I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
