who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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