I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I think your dad took our porno
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
