There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
