my mouth tastes like poor choices
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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