yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
