so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
