Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
