I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
did i walk over a car last night?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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