I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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