in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
