I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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