don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
