His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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