Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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