Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
