I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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