You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
