so that wasnt chicken after all
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
