hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
