The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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