I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
