I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
