My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
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