Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
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