ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
