all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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