So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
