i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
