so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I want a musical about memes.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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