Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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