why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Yo dont text me then not text me
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
