I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
