i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
