I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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