apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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