i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
