dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
