there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
i out mim tonsoeep
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
