I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
