We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
