he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
