I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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