My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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