May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
