So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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