Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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