I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
