i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
