this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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