I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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